Teacher Tired, It Kills

I remember being younger, probably college, and hearing about some super star musician having to cancel concerts because of "exhaustion."

And I thought, what bull shit. You make millions of dollars to entertain people-- how can you be that tired that you have to cancel?

Well, as someone who does not make millions and has to both entertain AND teach teenagers everyday...I kind of get exhaustion now. This is the first year that I am really feeling it. I'm just tired all the time. I don't want to do much once I leave my classes other than stare at a wall when I get home.

Last night? Last night I got home and laid down. I got up and made dinner. Ate dinner and promptly fell asleep on the couch by 8:30. I didn't wake up until 6AM and was quickly in a panic to get gas, make my lunch, breakfast, coffee and shower.

And you know what? I'm STILL tired.

Today is a double teaching day too: 8th grade all day, college freshman all night.

Teacher tired, it kills.

You know you're old when...

You begin to look forward to summer for the simple reason that it means you can breathe.

I can't say that 2016 has been a bad year, but it's been a hard year. Every several years as a teacher, you get a year where you think it can't get anymore bat-shit crazy than it already is, but it does. Those are the worst years. This year is one of those.

I had already told Phil before Christmas that this summer I was not working full-time. I was not going to run a summer camp. I was not going to wait tables. I was just not.

And the good news is that I'm not. I'm teaching one college class and working on my dissertation for my next residency.

This is, end-of-year-teacher-tired.

It's still going to be a lot, but it won't be the insanity that was this year. I am hopeful that next year will be easier and won't have the personal stuff with it all too.

My grandmother is pretty sick and my cat, Jack Nicholson, was just diagnosed with diabetes and a heart murmur. His heart is actually the size of my fist. I've only had him for a year and he had spent much of his life being a NYC tom cat. Scary when I think that when I got him, he had a clean bill of health other than a cold that antibiotics quickly took away. Now, for the rest of his little cat life I will have to give him insulin shots. We have the consult with the vet specialist on Friday and I am not looking forward to this at all. I can get shots, but giving them skeeves me out. Probably one of the big reasons that after Rutgers, I went on for teaching instead of nursing.

 

The guys. Jack & Milo

I think the most unnerving of everything with Jack Nicholson is that when I look at photos of him from before, he's a big, meaty lynx point and now he's a patchy haired skeleton that sits on my feet purring and lays on the floor licking his butt and farting into his own face. There was a time where he was a lot more...err..regal than that.

If you'd like to donate to help with Jack Nicholson's ever-growing vet bill-- I set up a go fund me...here.

To end on a happy note...guys, look at my beautiful bathroom:

 

My Life is Changing...As I Write It

When I think about how much my life has changed since I started this blog it really blows my mind.

But when I realize how so much of my life came together over the past two years, I am even more blown away. And for the first time in a long time, I can see why I had to go through and do certain things because each step lead me to another and then another, before I was in the place that I was always supposed to be in.

Now, here I am, nearly 30 years old, teaching, writing, finishing a PhD, putting together my first house and talking, seriously, about getting engaged to my boyfriend of the past two years.

And even more on the surprising side of my life, I have been researching what it takes to become a foster parent in the state of NJ. I teach in an urban, high poverty middle school. By the time I get these kids, it's already too late for some of them. And that's too many kids. Your teenage years should be about drama, and friends and dreaming about how fabulous your life is going to be once you graduate high school. It shouldn't be about worrying about going home because someone is going to be drunk and abusive, or fearful because that walk home isn't the safest, or worrying about once you get home how hungry you're going to be because you only get to eat when you're in school and getting free breakfast and lunch.

And kids should angst, they should angst over it all. But they shouldn't be so angry that they want to shut out the world. Shut out themselves and just stop where they are at the age of 13.

So, while I know my home would not be a good fit for an older child who has seen all of this and is going through it, I do know that we could be a home for a younger child who needs to be shown what love and stability is.

I see Phil with our dog, I mean it's ridiculous. She sleeps in our room because the cats like to have free roam at night. I tell her to go to her bed and she does. She will never try to sneak in next to me unless I call her. However, Phil spends many sleepless nights with her, sneaking onto his side of the bed, having to be next to him. Then last night, I was half asleep in bed and the dog was on her's. I hear Phil get up and go over to her. He gets her off her bed, and starts fluffing it for her and talking to her like a baby as he rearranges it all for her and then lets her go back on it. He tells her, that she has to be comfortable.

That's when I fall in love with him even more and once again I'm reminded of the kind of dad that he's going to be.

It set me up for a really nice day today, even if my students are insane because Christmas break is only 12 days away....

The Traveling Teacher

The weekend was a crazy new experience for myself. It took me to Atlanta where I got to spend 3 days writing and re-writing to get my topic for my dissertation approved.

At the end of it, you needed a 70 to pass or to be marked as "on tack and prepared to move forward." If you received an 80 or above, it was a huge compliment and meant you were so on track that you were to the point where they would want you to be if you were submitting your entire dissertation.

I finished with an 82. I was really proud of myself.

My dissertation in it's current form studies the relationship between completing a continues and complete visual arts curriculum and literacy.

Studies and my research show that kids that have visual arts are capable of more including being a literate reader as well as being able to answer and support higher-order thinking questions.

I'm very passionate about this because English literature and art are so intertwined and so often, that's forgotten. In many ways my own kids are an example of the place of art and creativity in a language arts classroom because they do well on tests.

In many ways I am an example of how a fluid education between both curriculum creates highly-able students. I would not be as good of a teacher as I am if I did not have my art background as well as the cultural background I have from my art degree. It exposed me to a million different things and in many ways because of those experiences have made me think differently and thus, teach differently.

As great as the weekend was, it has left me so incredibly tired. I am fighting hard to get through today and tomorrow before we're off for teacher's convention.It was also really cool to stay in the hotel that The Hunger Games movie used for scenes of The Capital. It was also nice to have someone clean my room everyday and fall asleep all by myself in a huge king bed. I did miss Phil and the animals though, it was even nicer getting to come home to all of them.

My next adventure will take me to Chicago, which is so exciting...I have never been, but I have always wanted to go.

I'm Tired Today, but Thankful

It's Friday. And the kids are crazy. The exhaustion is finally starting to set in. I spend much of September running myself ragged trying to get my classroom together and my kids in line. It's usually around this point every year that routines get established and then I realized just how tired I am.

I don't think going on for my PhD this year is helping at all, either. I've begun my dissertation and have settled on sticking to my desire to research the need for creativity in urban education as opposed to the RTI, climate and culture and all that other hot words that my adviser is trying to push all of us towards. I would be so bored writing about any of that because I feel as a teacher in an urban school, that's all I ever do.

August 2014: Somewhere in Europe, clearly tired yet goofy.

I'm attending my first residency at the end of the month which is really exciting. This also mean Phil will have to take care of our dog and cats for four days. This is also  the first time in the two years that we've been together that I'll be away for that long. Phil told me he'll be sure to throw a house party. I imagine a more realistic night of him playing video games until the sun comes out.

It's funny when I realize how much my life has changed over the past three years. I no longer stress out about crappy dates with crappy guys. I own my own house and no longer have to feel trapped in the attic. And, I'm pursuing my dreams while getting to travel while getting to share this with a man that I was always supposed to be with.

I'm just feeling pretty tired, but overall, pretty thankful today too.