My Life is Changing...As I Write It

When I think about how much my life has changed since I started this blog it really blows my mind.

But when I realize how so much of my life came together over the past two years, I am even more blown away. And for the first time in a long time, I can see why I had to go through and do certain things because each step lead me to another and then another, before I was in the place that I was always supposed to be in.

Now, here I am, nearly 30 years old, teaching, writing, finishing a PhD, putting together my first house and talking, seriously, about getting engaged to my boyfriend of the past two years.

And even more on the surprising side of my life, I have been researching what it takes to become a foster parent in the state of NJ. I teach in an urban, high poverty middle school. By the time I get these kids, it's already too late for some of them. And that's too many kids. Your teenage years should be about drama, and friends and dreaming about how fabulous your life is going to be once you graduate high school. It shouldn't be about worrying about going home because someone is going to be drunk and abusive, or fearful because that walk home isn't the safest, or worrying about once you get home how hungry you're going to be because you only get to eat when you're in school and getting free breakfast and lunch.

And kids should angst, they should angst over it all. But they shouldn't be so angry that they want to shut out the world. Shut out themselves and just stop where they are at the age of 13.

So, while I know my home would not be a good fit for an older child who has seen all of this and is going through it, I do know that we could be a home for a younger child who needs to be shown what love and stability is.

I see Phil with our dog, I mean it's ridiculous. She sleeps in our room because the cats like to have free roam at night. I tell her to go to her bed and she does. She will never try to sneak in next to me unless I call her. However, Phil spends many sleepless nights with her, sneaking onto his side of the bed, having to be next to him. Then last night, I was half asleep in bed and the dog was on her's. I hear Phil get up and go over to her. He gets her off her bed, and starts fluffing it for her and talking to her like a baby as he rearranges it all for her and then lets her go back on it. He tells her, that she has to be comfortable.

That's when I fall in love with him even more and once again I'm reminded of the kind of dad that he's going to be.

It set me up for a really nice day today, even if my students are insane because Christmas break is only 12 days away....

Moving Forward

I started this blog years ago and at first it started as a photo project that didn't really work and then it became my own where I wrote about my first real "adult" heartbreak and moving on from it. Then, after dating all kinds of idiots, I wrote about finally finding a non-idiot who really was the biggest idiot of them all.

And then, I sort of just stopped writing.

I got busy with other things-- with teaching and traveling, mainly backpacking through Europe (with the man I eventually met), and finding myself in a good, loving relationship and then before I knew it, with moving out completely on my own with no room mates or college lifestyle to fall back on.

And then, I finished my masters and begun the steps towards a PhD.

....And then, I bought a house.

However, most importantly, I think I'm finally learning the importance of just breathing and enjoying something. I've worked really hard to get to this point and I have done it on my own and unlike some women my age, I have done this without the help of a husband or live-in boyfriend.

I've gotten to the point of having what I wanted and I sort of noticed the enormity of that feeling as I was packing up my kitchen for the move to my house. I took off all of the magnets that Phil and I collected throughout Europe, along with the ones I picked up on my own travels including a couple magnets I bought on a class trip with my 8th graders last year and one I got at the local museum in the city that I teach in.

I was a little sad as I looked them over before I packed them and realized how exciting each of those moments were that inspired a magnet purchase and now they're all over. And at times, I don't know if I fully appreciated them as I lived them or maybe that's just because I'm looking back now.

It sort of made me realize now that as this year winds down, there are things that I want to do next year to make me enjoy everything that I have now more. I want to blog more and read for fun more. I know that my PhD classes are going to take up most of my time, but I would like to make time for things I like do like blogging and reading. I really would like to finally finish the book I started for my thesis or the second year of Miss Burton's Class. It's just hard and for the first time in many years, I have found manuscript writing to be beyond difficult. Maybe that can be next year's plan or something soon....

Who knows.