Teacher Tired, It Kills

I remember being younger, probably college, and hearing about some super star musician having to cancel concerts because of "exhaustion."

And I thought, what bull shit. You make millions of dollars to entertain people-- how can you be that tired that you have to cancel?

Well, as someone who does not make millions and has to both entertain AND teach teenagers everyday...I kind of get exhaustion now. This is the first year that I am really feeling it. I'm just tired all the time. I don't want to do much once I leave my classes other than stare at a wall when I get home.

Last night? Last night I got home and laid down. I got up and made dinner. Ate dinner and promptly fell asleep on the couch by 8:30. I didn't wake up until 6AM and was quickly in a panic to get gas, make my lunch, breakfast, coffee and shower.

And you know what? I'm STILL tired.

Today is a double teaching day too: 8th grade all day, college freshman all night.

Teacher tired, it kills.

You know you're old when...

You begin to look forward to summer for the simple reason that it means you can breathe.

I can't say that 2016 has been a bad year, but it's been a hard year. Every several years as a teacher, you get a year where you think it can't get anymore bat-shit crazy than it already is, but it does. Those are the worst years. This year is one of those.

I had already told Phil before Christmas that this summer I was not working full-time. I was not going to run a summer camp. I was not going to wait tables. I was just not.

And the good news is that I'm not. I'm teaching one college class and working on my dissertation for my next residency.

This is, end-of-year-teacher-tired.

It's still going to be a lot, but it won't be the insanity that was this year. I am hopeful that next year will be easier and won't have the personal stuff with it all too.

My grandmother is pretty sick and my cat, Jack Nicholson, was just diagnosed with diabetes and a heart murmur. His heart is actually the size of my fist. I've only had him for a year and he had spent much of his life being a NYC tom cat. Scary when I think that when I got him, he had a clean bill of health other than a cold that antibiotics quickly took away. Now, for the rest of his little cat life I will have to give him insulin shots. We have the consult with the vet specialist on Friday and I am not looking forward to this at all. I can get shots, but giving them skeeves me out. Probably one of the big reasons that after Rutgers, I went on for teaching instead of nursing.

 

The guys. Jack & Milo

I think the most unnerving of everything with Jack Nicholson is that when I look at photos of him from before, he's a big, meaty lynx point and now he's a patchy haired skeleton that sits on my feet purring and lays on the floor licking his butt and farting into his own face. There was a time where he was a lot more...err..regal than that.

If you'd like to donate to help with Jack Nicholson's ever-growing vet bill-- I set up a go fund me...here.

To end on a happy note...guys, look at my beautiful bathroom:

 

A Year and 2 Months Later...

I am officially a college professor! It was really shocking to me. I had gotten a call over the holidays from one college that I had applied to. I was very excited, it seemed like it was at last going to happen. On top of that, it was literally 10 minutes from our house so it would be an easy commute. The professor that called me told me to get in touch with the dean and I'd know more then.

I waited a day and emailed her, expressing my excitement. Her response? She'd be reviewing resumes that week and would get back to me. I emailed her to thank her for the response and then...never heard from her again.

I was devastated. 

Fast forward to two weeks ago, after I had a pretty crappy night of feeling uncertain about my life and frustrated over my stalled bathroom wherein I wrote this blog. I went to bed that night pretty much shouting at God about how tired I was of fighting for things and why can't I just ever get something like being the college professor that I always wanted to be without having to constantly burn myself out in the process. It was like a switch went off after I was done shouting at him in my head, and I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace and relief and it was almost like someone was whispering to me, "You're going to get it. Your life is going to be changing."

The next morning, I was sitting at my desk during my prep checking e-mails when another college that I had applied to countless times beginning a month before my actual master's degree was even conferred emailed me asking me if I could come in to interview for a position beginning this month, but that this email wasn't a promise of anything, they just wanted to talk to me. I emailed her right back and by the following morning I had an interview set for after school.

I was incredibly nervous.

It was actually two interviews. One with the person who sets up classes and another with the department chair. At first I felt for sure, it was not going well, but then as she started asking me questions about my wide-range of teaching experiences and we got to talking about them, the conversation changed in a blink and she was showing me my textbooks and introducing me to the dean.

I was probably holding my breath the entire time.

And I still didn't believe this was even reality until last week when all of my HR paperwork and transcripts were in so that I could get my ID and parking permit.

The other strange encounter? Getting the ID. I had to wait in line and a student approached me as I waited and asked me if I knew if we needed out spring schedules to get our spring semester IDs...I laughed on the inside, but before I could even say anything, the ID person told her, "he'd be with her in a minute, he had to help the professor first." It was surreal.

And yes, the ID picture is awful. I look like a warn out man.

But it's mine and my class starts next week. New nervousness.

And also? My bathroom is done. Thanks to plumbing help from my dad and an entire Saturday that I lost to cutting the tiles for it: